today, i am cough, sneezing, and i  feel so uncomfortable.. i am flu and i don't have better sleep. tiring and so many thing on my mind now. i wish i can have a long holiday and get enough sleep..

why i can't stop thinking of him? he is not mine. he is only old friend and now... no more friendship.. i do need explanation about it... why, what and when..

2nd February... and 14th february just around the corner... also Chinese New Year.. valentine's day.. valentine's day... never celebrate it.. never have a chances with someone i love.. now.. no more love.. i was totally be lonely girl..

what i want for this month? i wish i can have more activities.. last month, i was busy with church activities.. February.. i need more plan.. maybe finish my reading and.. and focus for my clothes design...

i was busy helping my parents on the christmas day. tiring but alot of fun. my sis is going back to hubby's hometown..

well i don't get any christmas wishes from him. no email or not phone call. i wonder he is  at home town or somewhere ..

well, Merry Christmas to you..

sometimes, i wonder what is happened last 14 years... and because of one situation.. the friendship was so fragile. its just break... deep inside my heart, miss our friendship...

yeah, that is one of my favourite song.. it mean alot to me.. i don't know how to explain my feeling.. am i happy or sad..

yes i always tell myself... he is not for me.. i will find someone else who are more loving and caring. someone who can appreciate my love..

i wonder why he stop contact with me.. why he don't explain what exactly happened..
someone asked me.. why u don't hate him.. i answered : well, i don't have right to hate him.. we are human being and we do our mistakes. he is one of my bestfriend for 14 years.. i don't have right to hate him.. he must have his own reason why he behave in this way.. hiding his special girlfriend from me..

maybe i am not good enough to be his friend. i just try my best to make our friendship will last forever... now what i can see is... i am not his bestfriend..

Endless love is always remind me of him... a lot of memories.. something that i can't delete it from my mind.. i do believe one day we will meet again.. i do believe we will speechless.. god bless u always wherever you are and whatever you do..

rindu aku sik pernah berhenti... kenapa? apa harus ku lakukan demi perasaan ini..aku dah tekad, akan melupakan apa yang telah berlaku.. kenapa dirimu yang sering bermain di fikiran ku.

setiap ketika aku mengingati diri mu.. maka.. air mata akan terus mengalir.. apa salah aku sehingga aku dibohongi sebegini? mendiamkan diri adalah jalan yang terbaik ku rasa buat masa ini... setiap langkah pasti ada maknanya jalan yang kulalui.

sepi... begitu sepi hati ini.. sehingga tiada orang yang tau.. kesedihan disebalik gelak tawa ku.. sepi hidup ini... sepi hati ku... mungkin kita ditakdirkan berpisah sebab tiada jodoh diantara kita.. dikala coretan ini ku luahkan... hati ini mendung.. titisan air mata berlinangan.. seperti hujan rintik-rintik..membasahi bumi..

i received a phone call many times from a stranger. i don't know who he is.. he called midnight and.. early morning. why he disturb me.. i do believe he is not my friend.. i just ignored his phone called.

this accident happen after a phone call from the 'crazy girl', 2 months ago.. i just hope they will not disturb me any more. if she hates me so much.. there is no reason for her to feel that way.. i don't do anything wrong.. she was misunderstand..

4th October, i attend reunion dinner my old school, Vocational School. just 4 of us are super senior, the rest is all my junior. i wish i can meet our old school teacher. Specially Cikgu MJ.. where he is.. how he looks like now.. ohhhhh...missed all the memories i create with the school.

Almost all of them are married.. have a children. When they asked me, how many kids you have? i just smiled.. i am not married yet.. they don't believe in me.. but that is the fact of my life..

many things happened this year, good and bad. yesterday my friend called me and express her sadness about her bf. love, love and love... why create a lot of problem to people. we are unlucky in love? no one know.. some people will said... love is so beautiful, one day you will fall in love... maybe it's true. what we can do it.. be patient, life goes on.. don't regret about our life. Thank you for everything we have now..

today is your birthday... happy birthday to you. i don't want to wish you thru sms or email.. maybe that is what we called 'ego'.. i will not contact you.. that is my own promises.

i do hope you will have a great future and be happy with what you are doing. God bless you and hope all your dreams will come true.

wherever you are and whatever you do... i always pray for you my friend.

Thanks for everything and i really appreciate our friendship before...

i can't believe today is 1st October.. Tomorrow is 9 years i am working here.. alot of things i learned here. Make a new friends and people come, people go...

i do learn about people character and this is the process of life. Last night i saw his gf photo in the facebook. Now i can see how she look like.. she is pretty girl..i just hope he will have a great life.

i don't turn back and i will go for my own future...

29th September 2002, 7 years ago... i rang his handphone, it's ringing. he was driving on the way back to his own village. he promise will called me back once he came back to town. around 11.30pm, he rang my house phone. we talked about 2 hours and keep answering his questions..

we dont meet each other for five years and with one phone call, we come close back. After that he called me every nights... until one night he said, 'i'm break up and it's so painful'... i was shocked but as a friend, i think i should support him and try to make him happy...

that is 7 years ago.... but now we dont talked with each other. Should i stop my friendship with him just to take care his girlfriend feeling? why she dont feel unsecure? Why he never tell me that he has special girlfriend? Why his girlfriend so angry and hate me? What is my mistakes? i knew him for 14 years.. i do believe he knew me so well...

no one understand my feeling... people will blamed me..but they didn't know what is going on.. this is life.. and it is a short life.. i just hope he is happy with the loved one.

it's my mistake make a first move to rang him 7 years ago? ... i do believe this is a destiny.. i just want the best for him..

I would like to stop always thinking about the past; what I did not do mostly and what I should've done. I want in the future to be able to make better decesions and better choices. I want to accomplish some things so when I look back at my life I will be in peace and not regretting anything. Should i change myself and to be someone else? mm i dont think so.. just accept me for who i am..

I want to be love and I want to love. I won't let one mistake to pull me down. I don't want to be with anyone that wouldn't care for me. I'm always there if someone has problems. I'm always there to listen.  Its a difficult time that I'm in right now, but its ok. I'm pretty sure I can handle it. I don't need any symphathy. Whether I forgive or not. It doesn't matter, my heart no longer have room ... sometimes, tears is the best to release your feelings..

I just don't want to think about it anymore. My life is for bigger things and better things. Because I will be more positive and happy. Not forget, but forgive the past; being happy about the present; and I truly and deeply believe the future will be even better! The happiness is always be there.. Eat, Pray and Love..

 

Real Mind..

,,,,,,We have to be happy with whatever comes in our way. But try to be very positive at all the time. Keep on telling yourself that everything is fine. Once you do that again and again, you will see that you are starting to feel better. Things around you will change. Because everything is there in our mind. It is our thought that makes us happy or sad. So, if we are able to think in a better way, our life will change for sure. I am also trying to do it. I that is why I request you to do the same. Take care of yourself and your parents. Be happy and smile at yourself.....

email from my friend (KOLKATA, INDIA)